This is a blog post I wrote on Facebook Notes 9 years ago (Dec 20, 2011). It was during a time where I was working 90-100 hours a week at the warehouse. Every day was a struggle. I was just doing my best to get through the challenges of each day. Anyways, I thought with all the challenges of this year, this old post might be helpful to those of us doing our best to get through one day at a time.

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For the past year my job has dominated everything in my life. Despite my best efforts to keep a balance, the “have to’s” at work continue to heavily affect all other aspects of life. During times like this where busyness, exhaustion, and stress play such a large role in life, I find that my natural response is to simplify and minimize. At least the things that I can control. So every night before I go to bed, my clothes for the next day are in the same place, my work keys are clipped to my car keys so I cant forget them, my shoes are in the same place every night. So when my alarm goes off at 3 am and I convince myself to get out of bed, I don’t have to be too awake to get ready and leave. Plus the time my feet hit the floor until the car leaves the driveway is usually less than 15 minutes.

A simple, basic (and mindless) routine every day. Part of that routine is to turn on the radio to Shine.FM (the local Christian radio station) while driving to work. I’ve tried a variety of things and found that listening to some Christian music in the morning is not a bad way to start the day. And so, in the same way that I find my shoes next to the stairs every morning, I tune the radio to 89.7. It’s a passive way of trying to focus my day in the proper orientation.

Routine; no decisions to be made. Just go through the motions. And I don’t realize just how much I depend upon that routine until something changes. The other day I set out to take a car borrowed from Grandma Hendrix’s to work because my truck was out of commission. We were fortunate enough to have family that is able and willing to help any way possible.

This time that meant loaning us a vehicle for a few days. And that’s after coming to my workplace with truck and trailer to pick up my truck and take it to a trusted shop for me. I am blessed to have family like that. But at 4 am when I was hurrying out the door, none of that was on my mind. The only thing I could think of was that my routine was off. The keys….. Where are the keys to Grandma’s car. It being a Hendrix vehicle, I looked in the obvious place first. (If you know the Hendrix’s, you know where I looked).

But they weren’t there. Check the key hook, check the counter, Jessica’s coat pocket. Nothing. Great, now I have to wake up Jessica to ask. Go into the bedroom and there are the keys on the headboard. Ok, back on track. After fumbling with the headlight and heater controls, seat gets adjusted, wrestle with the seatbelt and fiddle with the radio station, I’m on the way.

Today was another reminder of my routine. Pulling out of the garage turn on the radio and the heat and start down the driveway. I drive about a mile and realize that I don’t hear any music. (yes, it took me about 4 minutes after I turned on the radio to realize I wasn’t hearing anything. This is why mindless routine is so important….) So I play with the volume control. I turn it up until I get speaker static. Strange. Shine is dead air.

I need music so I cycle through the preset stations the way only a skilled and experienced channel surfer can do. Found a song I like, but of course, it was the last 20 seconds. Try Shine again. Still dead air.

In a moment of clarity I remember friends at work talking about a station that plays only Christmas music. I figure that’s worth a shot. I manually find the channel as it is not one of the preset stations and hear the beginning of one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs. It was a very understated version of O Holy Night. The interplay between the vocals and the traditional instrumentation was incredible.

Not only did it cut through the fog of my sleepiness, but it also cut through the hardened exterior that I develop when I get into this type of routine for any length of time. My mind shifted quickly from “gotta get through today, gotta get through today, gotta get through today…etc.” to thoughts about Christmas.

I replayed moments from the past two Sunday services in my head. And while I enjoyed them completely, I was saddened by the thought that I knew I had missed something because of my “survival mode.” And then my thoughts shifted to home. As the song on the radio reached its most powerful moments, I was thinking about how bright and peaceful the Christmas tree at home looks. I remembered being younger and that being something that triggered a response inside of me. I contrasted that with my thought from this morning where I wondered how hot those bulbs get because we hadn’t shut them off in a while.

And then I thought about my beautiful family. How excited Jonas is this year. Christmas is different for him this year. I prayed I hadn’t missed too much. And Jessica; Juggling everything to make sure that we all get what we want and need this Christmas. I felt like an outsider looking in at my own family. In that moment, after fighting back a few tears, I smiled. I have written all that to get to this statement I’m about to make.

Why did I smile at that moment? Because at that moment I reflected on how fortunate I am. I am desperate for some things to change and change will come pretty soon I feel, but I was thinking about how grateful I am for this very moment in my life. And as I thought that I realized that for the first time this year, it felt a little like Christmas to me.

But as I thought those words “felt like Christmas,” my mind took off. And if you have ever been around me (or listening to me talk) when this happens, you know that this could get interesting. “What does Christmas feel like?” There is a good possibility that there won’t be snow here for Christmas. It was 45 degrees yesterday. That doesn’t feel like Christmas. For some people its presents under a tree that pushes them over that Christmas threshold. A friend yesterday told me that it’s not officially Christmas without hearing “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. ” But for sure this year, I haven’t had that Christmas feeling.

Is Christmas about those things that put us into a different mindset? External triggers that remind us of sentimental memories, traditions, and feelings; What does Christmas mean for me this year if I haven’t been feeling all Christmas-ish. Its not that I’ve been saying Bah-Humbug or plotting against the Whos in Whoville. But now I’m thinking: Its still Christmas whether I feel it or not, right? It got me thinking about the Christmas story again. I think of the three wise men. They were looking for something. Very actively looking for something. Studying the stars. Attempting to understand significance of signs in the world. They were ready for something And I think that’s what a lot of us are used to.

Around thanksgiving time we start looking for signs. It usually starts in the stores these days. Snow, Tree, songs, Church Programs, Presents. These elements start invading our daily lives and pretty soon, with a little work, frustration, stress, debt, decoration, and travel, Christmas is right here. This is what we have been looking and waiting for.

But this year, in large part due to Pastor Kendall’s message on Sunday, I’ve been focused on the shepherds. Contrast the shepherds with the wise men. The wise men had studied and searched and planned, and when they knew the time was right, they entered into the Christmas story. But the shepherds weren’t planning or even searching. They were working. Taking care of their daily responsibilities.

And so my hope for Christmas this year is to be a shepherd. Even though Christmas is less than a week away and I have done little to prepare for it, I really want a great Christmas. In fact, I probably need Christmas more this year than in years past. But there aren’t any twinkle lights or candy canes out here with the sheep. I’ve been too busy to have been charting the stars for months like the wise men. But I’m hoping that when the moment is right, God will send a messenger that gives me directions on how to find my way into the Christmas story this year. Stop messing with these sheep long enough to go find the Christ child. Go, and you will find Him. Its time for Christmas. But that hasn’t happened yet. Sheep need a shepherd now. I’m still on the clock. No angel yet….

My prayer for you this Christmas is my prayer for me. May we find Christmas or may Christmas find us. Either way, snow or dead grass, ham dinner or Mexican buffet (my work’s holiday meal this year…. I don’t get it either), home or traveling, songs or silence, feelings or not… It is almost Christmas. I praise God that He doesn’t wait for me to feel like it for Him to show up.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

O night divine, the night when Christ was born;

May you find Him in a manager or may He find you in a field full of sheep. No matter, Emmanuel, God is with us. Merry Christmas everyone.

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