Friday, October 11th was a significant day for the Griffins this year.

For Jessica, working in the High School office, it was the last day of the first quarter and the last day before fall break.  That meant that it was a finish line of sorts, not only for her but the teachers and staff to which she provides administrative support.  It meant it was a very busy day full of non-negotiable deadlines.

For me as a pastor, Fridays are usually my day off.  But that particular Friday was filled with important activities because a dear saint who had been a lifelong member of the church I pastor had passed away and I was officiating the funeral.  I don’t know if there is anything more important to me as a pastor than funerals.  I recall the significance it played in my life when my dad passed away and I will never forget the grace in the midst of the grief.  So I take my duties very seriously. 

It had been a busy week in many aspects so I found myself cutting sleep short and adding a little extra coffee to the routine.  I’ve done that for years with little regret, but this week I was fighting some sort of illness on top of it, and so my lack of rest and state of being over-caffeinated caught up to me in the middle of the funeral sermon when I got uncomfortably warm. I had to excuse myself and sit down otherwise I would have fainted and fallen down.  I recovered after a few moments, finished the service, completed the graveside service and returned to the church for the dinner our church was providing.

Months prior I had looked at the calendar and realized that we had a full week of fall break and that it seemed to be the perfect opportunity to take the family vacation for this year.  So back before Jessica had even applied for the school job, back before I had ever imagined a funeral service, I had booked our trip to Branson, Missouri starting on Friday, October 11th, figuring we might pull the kids early from school and take off early in the afternoon.   

Once Jessica started the school job, we figured we would leave right after school. 

Once the funeral was planned we figured we’d head out of town when my pastoral duties were complete. 

The busyness of the week caught up to us and our plan to be packed and ready hit the road didn’t come to fruition. Rather, things turned a bit more rushed.  And the more we rushed the more we struggled to get our act together.

So the 5-hour drive to our hotel at the halfway point of our trip began at 10 pm. The Griffin family of five rolled into the hotel around 3:15 am after what had been a very busy day.  From there we were able to get some rest, finish the drive to Branson, and begin 6 days of rest and fun activities.

But with all of that said, October 11th was significant for another important reason;  it was Jessica and my 16th wedding anniversary.  And our special day was filled with important tasks that required our respective attention followed by a scramble to get the family on the road to the vacation that we had been counting down the days for weeks prior.  It was such a crazy and chaotic run-up to this day that one of us even lost track of the date of the anniversary and neglected to purchase a gift.  (names withheld to protect the guilty party) .

But as we drove through the never-ending stretch of Illinois highway at 1 am, with Jessica and the kids asleep in our mini-van, I had time to process what had happened.  This was our anniversary.  Often on Facebook, I see posts about couples out enjoying nice dinners or special plans on their anniversaries.  They have quiet and fun-filled evenings to connect with each other, focus on the years together, and hope towards a great future together.

But that wasn’t our story.  A friend of mine commented upon hearing that details of our day that we would need a do-over on our anniversary.  And I agreed.  But as I drove along thinking about Jessica making the decision to leave on vacation after a busy day of work at the school even though the house wasn’t perfectly cleaned ( usually a non-negotiable step in the process so we could return home to a clean house), and my nearly passing out while preaching a funeral sermon, a strange thought entered my head that I couldn’t shake.  “This is us.”

This story, this trying to achieve seemingly too much in a given amount of time, these flexible priorities and putting the needs of those we care about ahead of our own, even on our special day, is who we are. “This is us.”

As I drove along I thought about 18-year-old Tanner sitting in a classroom as a Freshman at Olivet Nazarene University, wrestling with a call to ministry.  I didn’t know Jessica yet.  I hadn’t imagined my three amazing kids at all.  And so, when with the boldness of faith, and the excitement of a profound sense of purpose, I said yes to a calling that I thought would give my life a direction. 

But October 11th somewhere about 2 hours north of St. Louis, I realized a deeply profound truth; while I had said yes to the call to be a pastor, my saying yes meant I spoke for Jessica and my family as well.  Our lives are shaped deeply by this call and the Griffin family (kids included) do our best to be faithful to the call that I committed us to all those years ago.

And as I drank my gas station coffee at 1 am, looking in the mirror at my sleeping kids and over to the passenger’s seat at my sleeping wife, I began wrestling with the question of whether I would have said yes to God’s call on my life all those years ago if I knew what life would like for my family, especially Jessica.  Having a busy anniversary isn’t the worst thing ever, but it represents well the type of lives we live as we seek to be faithful to the call God has placed upon us.   So it was a real challenging moment for me.  Would I have said yes, had I known this is what life was going to be?

And that’s when that thought I mentioned a moment ago came into mind. “This is us.”  And it is us.  That moment encapsulated our marriage and life perfectly.  So much so that I started to smile.  The question of whether I would have chosen this for us didn’t matter anymore because this is who we are.  This is our life. 

And I can’t think of a more perfect representation of our 16 years together as husband and wife than this Friday we had that ended with us a bit frazzled from the events of the day, exhausted from the late night, but together on a crazy adventure reassuring each other that we’re going to make it work. No blaming or complaining. No finger-pointing or passive-aggressive accusations. Simply an acknowledgment that things hadn’t gone as planned, but together we had more or less met the needs of those in our care, and somehow still ended up arriving at our destination.

“This is us.”

Nothing has come easy in these 16 years.  Very little has gone according to plan.  Yet, through God’s grace and our loving commitment to each other, we have grown closer and stronger as we faced the struggles and challenges.

“This is us.”  We’re Jessica and Tanner.  We’re the ones carrying our three year old and five year old into a Holiday Inn lobby at 3 am with the 12 year old carrying two suitcases and dad’s cup of coffee.  That’s who we are. 

We’ve made a life together that is uniquely ours. It’s shaped by faith and trust in God.  Its a life shaped by a love that pushes us to encourage one another when we struggle rather than blame.  Its a life shaped by a commitment and promise to each other that no matter the challenge, we will tackle it together because we are stronger together.

And so our life is messy.  It’s strange. It’s exhausting and chaotic. I don’t expect anyone else to look at it and understand it.  But if they did, I know they would envy it.  Because people spend their whole lives searching for the love and marriage we have.  People would love to have a partner that encouraged and supported them the way that we do one another. People would love to be able to trust a spouse as deeply as we trust each other.

And so as I drove along, in the dark, having barely acknowledged our wedding anniversary on a day where so many things happened that were outside of our plan, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

“This is us.”  And that thought was the best anniversary gift I could receive.

Thank you, Jessica, for being such an amazing partner and encouragement in this life we share together.  I love you more than words can express.  Sorry, this anniversary message is over a week late!  Maybe now that I shared such a heartfelt and thoughtful message for the world to see,  I can get my gift from you…

I love you

THIS IS US

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